you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize