i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
