There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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