I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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