69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
