My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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