Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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