i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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