someone owes me an orgasm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
