So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
