We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
