My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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