im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
