I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
