dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
