Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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