Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
