i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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