Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
