Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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