you're like a bully in the Christmas story
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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