My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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