I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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