Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
