If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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