So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
