It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
