So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize