Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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