Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize