he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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