...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
