When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Never underestimate the power of titties
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
