I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
