I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
this is an emotional support booty call
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
