I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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