Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
