it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
