I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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