She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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