You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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