He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
