I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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