I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize