You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
