Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
