her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
