I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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