I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
