Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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