Sponge bath it is.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
