Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
