When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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