well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
