I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
