I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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