I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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