When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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