I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
