I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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