woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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