a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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