I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
