dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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