I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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