she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
